Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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