On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
