he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you never un-have a 4some
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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