Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
