8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
