In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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