Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My bed smells like the plague
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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