The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
