Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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