I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
