So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
