You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you never un-have a 4some
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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