my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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