you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
