Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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