I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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