Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
home. puking in laundry basket.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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