Where is the hickey?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
