can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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