my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
