so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
