I could make wine with my vomit
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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