So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
