i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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