I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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