I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
