It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
