You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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