70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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