you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
