I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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