im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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