his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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