Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
