so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
