...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize