Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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