I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
