Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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