i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
