I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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