That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
