I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
