can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
