I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
