but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
