my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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