meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
