I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
