I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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