some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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