remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
