You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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