There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
