Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
