Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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