I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
