Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
