He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
