Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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