Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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