I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
