i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
