She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
