well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i now understand why vodka
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
