This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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