wat bout pragnant strippers??
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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