bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
