I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
