So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize