you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
