PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
