Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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