and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
