At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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