He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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