Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
