So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
